Everyday Heroism

It's been said, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Think about the impact that motherhood makes in every generation...

Mothers come in many varieties--the mother who for nine months carried us under her heart; the adoptive mother who for a lifetime carried us in her heart; the grandmother or aunt who took care of us; the stepmother who became a beloved friend. To all the amazing women who loved us, raised us, educated us, and taught us right from wrong, we give our thanks and love.

Celebrate the mother who occupies a unique place in your life by giving Mom your own cherished memory or prayer of praise--and encourage your siblings and other relatives to add their tributes, too. With this in mind, we open this month's column with a reflection from God's perspective with In Praise of Motherhood.

Next, we marvel at the multi-tasking world of mother, as noted in If you give a Mom a muffin. Men and women are equal yet different by God's design, for good reason. And this humorous prose acknowledges the everyday service, synthesis, and self-sacrifice that so often characterizes many of God's greatest servants--our mothers.

Last, we consider the findings of a groundbreaking national study of mothers’ beliefs and concerns, which paints a picture in sharp contrast to the portrait of U.S. mothers in much of the current public dialogue. Apparently, mothers across the country have a great deal in common and derive deep satisfaction from motherhood, even as they worry about the impact of American culture on their children. The results of the Motherhood Study will surprise and encourage you.

Take a moment to consider where we would be without the everyday heroism seen in motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day,

Roy Tanner



In Praise of Motherhood

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:28-31)

Proverbs 31 gives us two powerful reasons to praise our mothers. After spending 27 verses describing a "worthy woman," we are to give credit where it's due. The passage above also suggests that while many women do many wonderful things, a mother, our mother, surpasses all others because she has done them for us.

Think of all that mothers do to give us life by offering: her body, her time, her own physical nourishment, her attention, her affection, her concern, her laughter, her tears, her guidance, her correction, her pain, her praise, her care, her sleep, and her love. In fact, the list could continue for pages.

Most mothers make incredible sacrifices for their children. While many of these gestures are tangible, others are intangile places in her heart. So we praise our mothers because of who they are and all they've done. Can you think of anyone more deserving of honor? If the greatest in the kingdom of heaven is a servant, then moms will have some of the best places in the Kingdom when it comes in all its glory! And mothers come to glory the old fashioned way: they earn it!

Take a moment and reminisce. Think of all the times your mother cared for you in special ways — birthday parties, shopping for you, praying for you, doing without so you could have what you needed… Write her a personal note thanking her for some of those instances, with a message that communicates her unique gifts. And Proverbs 31:29 makes this clear, praise should be given by a good mother's children and husband.

Second, we take time to honor mothers on Mothers' Day because it's so overdue! A woman who honors God with her life is especially to be praised. And this is not just to be the praise of casual conversation at home, but rather public praise. Scripture suggests this is the praise of a husband who is known in the community, as a man who admires and appreciates his wife. While it may not be hip to brag on your wife to golfing or fishing buddies, God's man honors the woman in his life...because she deserves it.

The real superstar women in our world are not necessarily the shooting stars who twinkle briefly in People Magazine or a Barbara Walters Special. No, the true heroines are known by their service to those they love. It's just up to us to make sure these stars know just how super they are!

Excerpted from HeartLight Magazine



If you give a Mom a muffin

Adapted and inspired by "If you give a mouse a cookie"

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself a cup. Her three year-old will spill the coffee. She'll quickly wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she'll find a pair of dirty socks. She'll remember that she has laundry to do. While putting the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over shoes and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her that she has to plan for supper. She'll take out a pound of hamburger, and look for her cookbook.

The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped-out by her two year-old. She will smell something funny. She'll change the two year-old.

While she is changing the two year-old, the phone will ring. Her 5 year-old will answer and hang-up.

She'll remember that she wants phone a friend to come over for coffee and conversation. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

She will pour herself some. And chances are if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it!

Wendy Tanner



The Motherhood Study

Natonal study shows reality for mothers in contrast to public dialogue...

May, 2005 – The findings of a groundbreaking large-scale national study of mothers’ beliefs and concerns paint a picture in sharp contrast to the portrait of U.S. mothers in much of the current public dialogue.

Instead of emphasizing the stresses and strains of motherhood and divisions among mothers, the findings reveal that — regardless of background or life circumstances — mothers across the U.S. have a great deal in common and derive deep satisfaction from motherhood, even as they worry about the impact of American culture on their children.

The study was designed by a 12-member team of social science researchers convened by the Mothers’ Council and Motherhood Project, based at the Institute for American Values, and was implemented in partnership with the University of Minnesota and the University of Connecticut. In January and February of this year staff at Connecticut’s Center for Survey Research and Analysis surveyed more than 2,000 mothers of children under the age of 18 to ask what they think and feel about mothering. The sample was representative of the diverse population of adult mothers across the United States in terms of income, education, age, race, ethnicity, marital status, and employment. Both to assist in the initial design of the survey and, later, to complement the quantitative findings from the survey, the team also conducted in-depth interviews and focus groups with a wide range of mothers to learn more about their experiences and concerns.

Findings of The Motherhood Study point to three issues as particularly salient for mothers and ripe for immediate action: reducing family violence and promoting healthy marriages; improving the financial security of mothers; and enabling mothers to spend more time with their children and on personal and family relationships. Regardless of their current employment status, a majority of mothers said they want to be employed, but in positions that demand less time away from their children and other important relationships.

“Although motherhood long has been the subject of academic and popular writing and discussion, the voices of mothers from different walks of life have been noticeably missing from the national conversation,” said Martha Farrell Erickson, Ph.D., the study’s principal investigator and a Senior Fellow with the University of Minnesota’s Children, Youth & Family Consortium. “The Motherhood Study aimed to change that by going directly to mothers across the United States and hearing what they had to say about their attitudes, values, concerns and needs.”

Key findings include:

1) In contrast to much of the popular discourse that typically emphasizes the stress and strain of motherhood, mothers reported strikingly high levels of satisfaction — both with their overall lives as mothers (with 97% saying they are “very” or “somewhat” satisfied) and with more specific aspects of their lives, including the emotional support they receive, the responsibility they have for childrearing, and the childcare arrangements they use.

2) Mothers feel passionately about their children and about mothering, which they see as unique and extraordinarily important work. Nearly all mothers surveyed (93%) said “the love they feel for their children is unlike any love they have ever experienced.” Most mothers (nearly 81%) also said mothering is the most important thing they do.

3) Despite high levels of satisfaction and powerful feelings about the importance of what they do, mothers do not necessarily feel that others in society appreciate them, value them, or attend to their needs. Fewer than half of the mothers surveyed (48%) reported feeling appreciated most or all of the time, and 19% said they felt less valued by society since becoming mothers. Additionally, more than half of the mothers surveyed said society is not doing a good job of meeting the needs of mothers, children, or families.

3) Respondents have primary responsibility for the day-to-day upbringing of children, with nearly 44% saying they alone have primary responsibility for their children’s upbringing and another 49% saying they share this responsibility with their spouse or partner. Of those who share responsibility with someone, 66% reported that they provide more than half of the daily care.

4) While women in today’s society are waiting longer to get married and increasingly raising children by themselves, the survey found that marriage is associated with a range of positive outcomes for mothers, including economic status and satisfaction with life as a mother. For example, about 16% of married mothers reported annual family incomes less than $40,000, compared to 35% of mothers living with a partner and 73% of mothers who were unmarried and not living with a partner. Eighty-eight percent of married mothers said they were very satisfied with their lives as mothers, compared to 80% of cohabiting mothers and 62% of single mothers. The study also showed that 81% of married mothers said they are “very” satisfied with their relationships with their spouses.

5) Mothers want more time to spend on personal and family relationships, with nearly 61% “strongly” agreeing and 22% “somewhat” agreeing with that statement.

6) There is a striking gap between mothers’ current work status and their ideal work arrangement. While more than 41% of those surveyed are currently employed full-time, only 16% across the entire sample said they would prefer full-time work if choosing their ideal. This is not to say they don’t want to work at all—one third said they would prefer to work part-time and close to another 30% said they would prefer to work for pay from home.

7) The report found no significant evidence to support what the media sometimes refer to as “mommy wars,” supposed tensions between mothers who are employed in the workforce and mothers who are not. Beliefs, feelings and concerns were strikingly similar regardless of mothers’ employment status.

8) Mothers seem to hold values that differ in significant ways from those of the larger culture. Ninety-five percent agreed that they wish American culture made it easier to instill positive values in children, naming the media, advertising, and their view that “money has too much control over our lives,” as major factors hindering their efforts.

9) When asked to name their single biggest concern for their children, mothers most often cited education or safety and security, followed by drugs and drinking. Education was more likely to be named the number one concern for children among African-American and mothers of Hispanic origin, as well as those who are unmarried, have lower incomes, and fewer years of education.

10) When asked about their single biggest concern for themselves, mothers most often named finances, healthcare, or safety. Mothers with lower incomes, unmarried mothers and African-American mothers were more likely than others to cite financial issues as their top concerns for themselves.

11) Presented with a list of possible changes to make life better for mothers and children, respondents most often indicated as high priorities: reducing all forms of family violence (94%), promoting healthy marriages (86%) and enabling mothers to spend more time with their children (86%).

12) Mothers strongly endorsed the idea of parents uniting to reduce the negative influences on children. Nearly 99% of respondents agreed (more than 88% “strongly” and a little over 10% “somewhat”) they would like to see more mothers and fathers working together to reduce the negative influences on children in American society.

“This study was designed to enrich the public dialogue by creating a vehicle for mothers of diverse racial, ethnic, and socio-economic backgrounds to express their beliefs and concerns about mothering and their thoughts about social change,” said Enola G. Aird, J.D., Affiliate Scholar and Director of the Motherhood Project, Institute for American Values. "We want to know more about what mothers think, and we invite mothers — and those who care about mothers, children and families — to use this report as a tool to continue to move the national conversation about motherhood and mothering forward.” The report also includes a discussion guide designed to promote conversations about the findings in communities across the country.

The Motherhood Study is available online (as a pdf file) at www.motherhoodproject.org.

About the Motherhood Project and the Mothers’ Council
The Motherhood Project seeks to foster a mothers’ renaissance. It examines matters affecting mothers and provides intellectual resources to promote vigorous “mother informed” national conversations. The Mothers’ Council, a group of mothers of diverse backgrounds, perspectives and political affiliations, was convened by the Motherhood Project and has set as its mission to galvanize the collective wisdom, courage, and passion of mothers to create and sustain a world in which all children flourish.

About the Institute for American Values
The Institute for American Values is a nonpartisan organization dedicated to strengthening families and civil society in the U.S. and the world. The Institute brings together approximately 100 leading scholars — from across the human sciences and across the political spectrum — for interdisciplinary deliberation, collaborative research, and joint public statements on the challenges facing families and civil society. In all of its work, the Institute seeks to bring fresh analyses and new research to the attention of policy makers in government, opinion makers in the media, and decision makers in the private sector.

About the University of Minnesota’s Children, Youth And Family Consortium
Established in 1991, the Children, Youth and Family Consortium links research, practice, and policy to promote the well being of children and families. Through cross-disciplinary research and education and sustained partnerships with local and national organizations, CYCF promotes thoughtful discourse, best practices, and informed policy-making across a wide range of issues facing America’s families.

About the University of Connecticut's Center for Survey Research and Analysis
The Center for Survey Research and Analysis is a non-profit, nonpartisan research facility within the Department of Public Policy at the University of Connecticut. CSRA has led groundbreaking surveys in the areas of education, philanthropy, and the First Amendment. CSRA is affiliated with the Roper Center, the largest archive of public opinion data in the world and the University of Connecticut Masters in Survey Research Program.